Upon hearing that I could write an essay to Collin’s Bike Shop about why I deserve a free fixed gear bike, I initially dismissed the idea. I thought, “I could never come up with a sufficient amount of convincing reasons for why I should receive a free bike”. However, as I sat thinking about it further, propelled by my recent searching and longing for the perfect bike, I realized that there are in fact many reasons that I want and deserve this bike that Collin’s has so charitably decided to give away to one deserving writer…or rider. (This is not a spelling error; I’m not sure if you’re judging on writing style or riding style.)

To be honest, (because that is how people get the things they want) I must confess that the first reason I want a fixed gear is to gain social status. Since my introduction to the world of fixies at the beginning of Summer ’07, I have found myself increasingly envious of the biker gang. Not only envious of their dashing (albeit masculine) good looks, but also their enthusiasm, agility, and confidence while riding through the cold night in their fashionable and colorful underwear. I too want to be a living, riding billboard for American Apparel underwear (and hoodies). In addition, I feel I have to speak on behalf of my future bike. I don’t want the bike that I own to be jealous of the towering orgy of fixed gears that mount themselves upon one another shamelessly in front of the fine beer-drinking establishments around Eugene.

On the bike that I win, I want to use black tape (or whatever color tape befits the frame), and spell out my own witty words using only the letters from the brand. I’m convinced that ‘Can-o-ale’ and ‘B-ach’ can be outdone. I want to accent my bike with boy colors. I want to carry a case of beer in the frame of my bike and ride around (in my underwear of course) to different house parties sharing the wealth. I want to wear pants tight enough I have to jump up-and-down to get into them. So tight that you can see the zipper and everyone thinks your fly is down. I want to wear all black, with accents of color dashing diagonally across my chest. I want to have an excuse to wear ‘Timbuk2’ bags with a color palate specifically chosen to express me. I want to be funnier while sporting hot pink headbands. I want to be considered more ‘hipster’; outside of my already fitting music taste and social connections. I want my thighs to burn as I ascend hills and inevitably curse myself for riding a fixie. But most of all (and this is important) I want the feeling of the wind kissing my smiling face as I soar down the hill that I have put so much heart and effort into climbing.

All of these things can be mine. You can make these dreams of mine come true. If yours becomes mine, then what is mine will be a part of yours. I’m speaking strictly figuratively here, there is no need to think that I’m flirting with the reader. Unless of course you ride a fixed gear, are male, single, straight, good looking, above the age of 21 and like long rides on the beach.

Thank you for considering my request. I hope that I get to meet my future bike in the near future as my triathlon training has begun and I’m without. Some find training without a bike of their own hard. I’d say it’s damn near impossible. Hook me up!!